Learning to extend grace from a gracious Lord.

by Clint Eastman

Pastors aren’t perfect, but how could I have been so wrong?

I had served as the minister at a church for over two decades and felt God was leading me to another charge. Subconsciously, I also realized that I was in my fifties. This could be my last chance at getting an assignment before I was considered too old.

Frustration

After I applied to a smaller church in another state, they called me to be their under-shepherd, and I went. I was proud of my education and experience in a larger setting, so I foolishly and arrogantly believed, “I’ve got this!”

To my dismay, the task was much harder than I thought it would be.

After I settled into the new congregation, I felt that they didn’t live up to my expectations. In my pride, I got frustrated and judgmental.

Late

Take Eric and his family. The five of them came traipsing into a church service fifteen minutes after it had started. Sophisticated looking with stylish clothes, Eric was one of the leaders of our congregation.

Of course, everyone turned and stared. What kind of example is he setting? I thought as I struggled to lead the service.

I guessed Eric had overslept. In my mind, I silently played judge and jury. Guilty! I declared in my mind and made a mental note to set him straight.

Scripture reading

Then there was Harry, also a church leader. Short with a receding hairline, he appeared bookish. But when I asked him to read Scripture, he declined. 

My mind went into high gear trying to decipher why he wouldn’t accept such a simple task. Is he illiterate? Scared to be in front of people? Perhaps he’s just apathetic.

As with Eric, I declared Harry guilty of a crime against me and the congregation. How can he be so indifferent about our church service? I thought. How can he sabotage our desire to be a Bible-based church?

Sleeping

But there was more. I felt one of the worst felons in this new church was Ron. He had the audacity to sleep in church!

This was a puzzle to me; he seemed so committed. Ron had always given well financially, and he attended faithfully every week. My mind raged as I watched him with one eye and checked my sermon notes with the other. Sleeping during the service is more than I can stand!

It was the ultimate insult to me and to the rest of the people. I was horrified that Ron might even have been snoring in the morning service.

My list was now full of people who needed a piece of my mind. I was determined to talk to each one and lay out a challenge for their getting right with God. In my mind’s eye, I planned how to contact each of the perpetrators separately to broach the topic of their offenses.

Power outage

I called Eric, the tardy one, at his workplace. I had to calm myself down because I was so upset at his wrongdoing. When I thought back over the many years I had been serving the Lord, I couldn’t remember being late for church.

When Eric answered the phone, I made small talk at first. Just as I was about to chastise him, he said, “About last week. I’m sorry we came in late. The electricity went out, so the water pump couldn’t work. None of us could take a shower until it came back on. The sump pump in the basement also stopped because of no power, so one of the bedrooms got flooded and we had to deal with it. We got everything cleaned up as quickly as possible in order to get to the service.”

How did they get here at all? I wondered. They’re saints for being only fifteen minutes late!

Rebuke

I felt a nudge — no, a rebuke — from the Holy Spirit: “Why are you so self-righteous? They overcame all odds in order to worship with the rest of you. They deserve a medal, not a reprimand.”

I was crushed in my spirit. I realized how Pharisaical I had been. “Lord, forgive me” was all I could say.

Injury

Even after being mortified by my attitude toward Eric, I still wanted to speak with Harry, who had refused to read.

Later in the week, I stopped by his machine shop. Tall with a nicely trimmed beard, he tugged at it as he said, “Pastor, I want to apologize for not reading in the service. Last Friday, I got a sliver of metal in my eye while I was working on the lathe. I went to the doctor, and he had to fish it out with some tweezers. After that, I wasn’t seeing well. The words on the page would have been just a blur.”

Correction

I heard God speaking to my heart.

He said, “It’s only by grace that you see so well. Why did you question Harry’s motives? Why do you get offended so easily? Why are you so hard on these people? They are My children, too, so why are you criticizing them instead of nurturing them?”

Medical condition

By that time, I was learning how “holier than thou” I had become. I vowed that I wouldn’t act so sanctimonious with Ron, the sleeper.

As gently as possible, I approached him after church the next week. He was dressed nicely in his best clothes. Although I had a touch of resentment that he would dare to be so disrespectful as to sleep during my sermon, I started off on a positive note. “You look very nice today,” I said.

“Thanks.”

He must have seen the animosity that I had tried so hard to hide.

“Let me explain why I dosed off last week in church,” he said. “I have sleep apnea, and I hadn’t slept for several nights. During the service, I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. Please don’t take it personally. Because we love you and your sermons, I had to get my family to church. It’s a good thing I fell asleep in church and not while I was driving!”

Heart work

After hearing the stories of those I had accused, God convicted me. He showed me that I was prideful and arrogant. Perhaps subconsciously, I had just been waiting for people in the new to church make mistakes. Rather than showing love and grace, I had been playing the role of judge.

Thankfully, God used my self-righteous blunders to do a good work in my heart. The church and the Lord caused me to face my shortcomings. After confessing my bad attitudes as sin to Him, I received His forgiveness. Now I’m on a new path of giving others the benefit of the doubt and leading with greater love and acceptance.

All three of us are happier now: The Lord, me, and the congregation.